Friday, April 20, 2012

Self-Sabotage

What happens when you're blessed enough to find that one?  The counterpart to your soul; the one that is supposed to make falling in love and sharing yourself easy...

Then by the time you're somewhat sold on your emotions and feelings for that person, they disappear?

I've heard people say that Love is a chemical response.  I don't know if I necessarily agree with that.  On a scientific level, I'm sure there are numerous formulas and graphs to prove me otherwise, but it seems so much deeper than that.

Love is a choice.

I've made the conscious choice to love you despite your flaws, your mistakes, your past and everything you, me or society has deemed as negative.  However when people receive this wonderful gift from someone, we have a tendency to freak out and try to give it back or run away from it.

I'm guilty of the freaking out part and over-analyzing every little detail.  No one wants to get hurt again or is willing to put themselves out there to be hurt.  I personally didn't think I could feel this way again.  I thought my heart was closed off to these emotions or too damaged to even entertain the idea of love again.  And yet here it is/was...

I don't know if this was a test to get me to open up again or if something really amazing is about to take place.  I'm still nervous and giddy about all these emotions but I can't say I have ever felt this kind of calm before.

To be continued...

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