Friday, April 20, 2012

Self-Sabotage

What happens when you're blessed enough to find that one?  The counterpart to your soul; the one that is supposed to make falling in love and sharing yourself easy...

Then by the time you're somewhat sold on your emotions and feelings for that person, they disappear?

I've heard people say that Love is a chemical response.  I don't know if I necessarily agree with that.  On a scientific level, I'm sure there are numerous formulas and graphs to prove me otherwise, but it seems so much deeper than that.

Love is a choice.

I've made the conscious choice to love you despite your flaws, your mistakes, your past and everything you, me or society has deemed as negative.  However when people receive this wonderful gift from someone, we have a tendency to freak out and try to give it back or run away from it.

I'm guilty of the freaking out part and over-analyzing every little detail.  No one wants to get hurt again or is willing to put themselves out there to be hurt.  I personally didn't think I could feel this way again.  I thought my heart was closed off to these emotions or too damaged to even entertain the idea of love again.  And yet here it is/was...

I don't know if this was a test to get me to open up again or if something really amazing is about to take place.  I'm still nervous and giddy about all these emotions but I can't say I have ever felt this kind of calm before.

To be continued...

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Congratulations, you have now reached the SHOW ME state...

So the dating game is an interesting concept.  When you're still discovering who you are, who you want to and where you're wanting your life to go, dating can be an unnecessary headache.

Lately, I'm discovering things I don't want when I meet a man, so you can only imagine how ecstatic I was when I actually met someone that was too good to be true.

Handsome, smart, goal-oriented, affectionate and could cook like a gourmet chef.  Before I even said anything, he was already talking about what he was looking for: A good woman, settling down, children;  On top of the other things he was already accomplishing. This beautiful chocolate man was a keeper.  So what happened?

In the five days that we had finally met after having multiple conversations six weeks prior, he had stood me up 4 times and stopped returning my calls and texts for no speakable reason.  When he finally did call back, he told me he was shutting me out due to the things he was going through at the time.  Now granted he has a valid reason, based on the situation that happened to him...but when a woman finally allows herself to hope again, she starts to wonder that if she is the problem or if it's the men she chooses to give the time of day?

So what's more heart-breaking than heartbreak?  Allowing yourself to hope that you may have finally found someone to pick up the pieces and put them back together...

Man-cation is back on...