Monday, April 4, 2011

If this was your last chance...

It figures this post would be about you, but so be it.  We spent four years of our lives together.  You literally knew me better than I knew myself in many aspects of my life.  You could articulate what I was thinking, feeling, before I verbalized it.  I used to think that you and I were it for each other.  Home.  The One.

Somewhere down the line I became unworthy of your love, support, friendship...Music and other women were more important than "home."  When everything was on the line and it was your last chance to save us, you chose to let me walk away and moved on to a shiny new toy.

You weren't happy and yet you stayed longer than you really should have for either one of us.  How many times did you walk away and come back?  How many times did I let you?  The sad part is, you left me long before I physically walked away from "us."

It's been five months and I don't regret it, but I'd like to know how long it is going to take to purge you out of my system? You loved me according to your standards, not mine.  I'm ready to move on and allow someone who is deserving of my time to love me and take care of my heart.  I don't know if our relationship was my lesson, your lesson, or just a bump in the road of our lives.

Ironically, the first time I heard Last Chance was in the car with you...You sang it to me, and I really thought you meant every single word that Ginuwine sang, but it was just another ploy to keep me in line.  I came across it tonight and cried.  I haven't cried about you in about month, and when I try not to think about you, your face creeps back up in my thoughts.

You had your last chance and you purposely sabotaged us...
I deserve better.  I want better.  I don't wish you ill will, but I have no desire to see, hear from or about you again.  The only way to deal with this heartbreak is to go through it, and because you were my first intense love, I'm forever changed.  I don't hate you for it, but I still wonder why I had to go through you to get to my next step...

-Rejected Daughter

Wednesday, November 29th, 2006

"Happy 21st Birthday dear!  My intention for this journal is to allow you to begin and continue your 'metamorphosis' in life-transition's through triumphs and tribulations, a written record that will one day touch millions of hearts- I love you!" --D. J.